How to Sleep When Stressed: Why Trying Harder Fails 

What you're doing is telling your brain it's all stored, it's under control, and you know what needs to happen. There's no need to run through it at 2am, because it's on the list and you'll deal with it tomorrow.

One companion step: keep a pen and paper by the bed. If something new arrives in the night, write it down and let it go. There is nothing you can do about it in the middle of the night. But you've logged it, you won't forget it, and you'll handle it tomorrow.

2. Separate the day from the night

The second step is about creating a psychological gap between the day and night. You're telling your brain the day is over and you are winding down and preparing for sleep.

That takes time, so allow at least thirty minutes, ideally an hour.

Start with a few small actions that mark the shift. Locking the front door, brushing your teeth, filling the dishwasher. Do them at the same time each night and your brain starts reading them as the signal that the night has begun.

Then spend the rest of the hour on things that genuinely settle you. Quiet music, a podcast, reading, a warm bath. Whatever works for you.

And bring the lights down low. It doesn't need to be dark. Low light helps your body clock, and it also lowers your alertness directly — bright light keeps you switched on. You can read more about that here.

And what about blue light? The fear of screens is overhyped. What matters is the content of what you are watching. So if watching something gentle relaxes you, that's fine. But you may want to avoid the news, a horror film, or anything that leaves you angry or wired.

One additional thing worth mentioning. If stress is what's keeping you awake, there's a good chance you're reaching for a glass of wine to take the edge off. It's a common thing people do, but it works against you. You may feel like you fall asleep faster, but the quality of your sleep will be worse, and you are more likely to experience disrupted sleep in the second half of the night. Avoid it if you can.

3. Take the last of the pressure off in bed

If you've done the first two steps and you keep a regular sleep schedule, you may not need this step. You might just get into bed and drift off.

But if your mind is still racing, or you wake feeling stressed through the night, the following actions can be really useful.

Firstly, avoid adding any stress. Don't look at the clock. What matters is when your alarm goes off, not how long you've got until it does — knowing the time tells you nothing useful and gives you something new to worry about. Cover it up or turn the clock face away from you.

Progressive muscle relaxation has the strongest evidence of all bedtime relaxation techniques. Ten minutes working from your toes up to your head, tensing each muscle group for five seconds and letting go. The muscles relax and the mind follows. I've made a full video walking through it.

Slow breathing works by switching on your parasympathetic system through the vagus nerve, slowing your heart and settling your body. There are a number of options. One is the 4-7-8 technique — breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight. Then repeat.

A neutral word. When your mind is racing, repeat the word "the" to yourself every few seconds. It occupies your mind, blocking other thoughts from entering, and it means nothing, so there's no emotional trigger. It hasn't been well studied, but it costs you nothing and it's worth a try.

Cognitive defusion is for a busy mind filled with lots of random thoughts. Picture yourself beside a stream with leaves drifting past. When a thought arrives, place it on a leaf, and let it float away. Don't fight it, don't chase it.

And if all else fails, try to stay awake. Lie there with the lights off and gently try to keep your eyes open. This is a real technique that doctors use: when you stop chasing sleep, you take the pressure off the switch, and sleep can arrive more easily. The evidence is modest and fairly old, but the logic is sound.